What is Unforgiveness?

Author: Unknown
Instead of the usual bible study passage, this post brings to you a special topic - Forgiveness.
Essentially it explores what unforgiveness and forgiveness is. We can then compare this as a checklist for our own situation.

Results of Unforgiveness

A Challenged Tolerance to Stress

Unforgiveness will eventually affect us physically as it reduces our physical tolerance to stress. The body leaks headaches, digestive problems, aches, increased incidence of infection are some of the results.

Decreased Tolerance to Stress

Stress from previous events accumulates. When these are unresolved, it is like adding each event to a bucket. Eventually when a current issue arises, it causes the bucket to overflow. We are surprised at our reaction and wonder why an event that we felt we could or should handle has become overwhelming.

Inability or Unwillingness to Trust Others

Unforgiveness can cause us to become self-protective or unable to experience true intimacy with others. Intimacy demands levels of trust.

Self-inflicted Re-injury

Reliving the situation without resolution deepens the wound because all we are doing is nursing and rehearsing the offence.

Bitterness

Unforgiveness can develop into a root of bitterness in our lives. We harm not only ourselves, but the poison of unforgiveness seeps into other relationships; it flavours every aspect of our life. It gives the enemy legal grounds to exercise control over our lives and the lives of others.

Understanding What Forgiveness is Not

1.It is not simply forgetting.

Forgiveness means being able to focus on present and future events without intrusive thoughts from past events. Forgiveness is a problem when the behavior continues. We need grace and love beyond our own resources-to be able to overcome this challenge.

2. It is often not a one-off event, it is a lifestyle.

It means continually walking in grace. We need to remind ourselves that we need to forgive others as God has forgiven us

3. It is not based on feeling. It is an act of obedience.

I forgive because the Lord commands me to. Act first, as this exercises the will. Emotions will follow.

4.It is not earned nor demands that the other person change before we forgive.

“We forgive you when...." is not the language of forgiveness.

5. It is not pretending.

It does not-mean placing others or ourselves in physical or moral danger.

6. It does not mean the other person was or is right

Nor does it mean that they did not do something that was hurtful. Forgiveness does not mean to surrender the truth.

7. Forgiveness is not like wiping a computer file.

It does not mean the pain is instantly removed. You may still experience some emotional pain. But the intensity of it will be lessened.

8. It does not mean the other person controls you.

9. It does not mean that personal boundaries are surrendered.

What Forgiveness Is

1. Forgiveness means you are no longer attributing blame but are willing to try to understand the dynamics of events.

2. Jesus found a reason to forgive: "Father forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." We need to be willing to reach out through the offence to demonstrate love.

3. Forgiveness is when love accepts - deliberately the hurts and abrasion of life and drops all the charges against the other person. We recognize that life is not always fair and we lay aside the right or need to seek revenge. This does not exclude criminal charges, which may be necessary in some situations.

4. Forgiveness means giving up defending yourself. No constant explaining or revisiting of the issues.

5. Forgiveness means you no longer see the offender as indebted to you. They will not or cannot repay you for your loss nor are they in greater debt to you because you have forgiven.

6. Forgiveness exercises God's strength to love and receive the other person without any assurance of complete restitution. We cannot control the other person's reactions or behavior, but we can take responsibility for our own. Forgiveness may not mean reconciliation or restitution, but rather closure to the events.

7. Forgiveness is freely given. The greatest example of forgiveness is the Cross of Jesus Christ.

8. Forgiveness is releasing the other person from our judgments.

9. Forgiveness needs to include breaking the ungodly tie between me and the other person.

Have I Forgiven?

The answers to the following questions will give you some idea of where you are on the journey to forgiveness. Remember, this is a journey and forgiveness involves a process, these questions are only indicators of where you are on your journey and should not be viewed as 'right or 'wrong' answers.

1 Have I stopped secretly hoping they will get what they deserve?

2. Have I stopped talking about them to others?

3. Have I stopped replaying my revenge?

4. Have I stopped frequently thinking about them and what they did?

5. Am I glad when something good happens to them?

6. Am I more open and trusting toward others?

7. Am I still angry, depressed or bitter?

8. Have I stopped blaming them for the outcome of my life?

9. Do I feel sorry when something bad happens to them?

10. Am I more at peace and comfortable with my feelings?